My job as a traveling massage therapist gets interesting! I see the inside of people's homes (some I would rather not). You wouldn't believe some how people live...
One day I got an online appointment request from a Waldorf school teacher. He was an older gentleman. The parents in his classroom had given him one of my gift certificates. When I arrived, he instantly gave me the creeps because he watched my every move from his doorstep - as I unloaded my massage table and other gear. But I knew I could kick his ass if needed.
Getting ready for the massage, he asked if he should strip down nude for me. I said, "That's not necessary...I'll leave the room while you get on the table." I'm pretty used to those requests after 7 years of this. He stripped down to his tighty-whiteys in front of me anyway. This is NOT a sight for early in the morning! I repeat...DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME!
Already feeling grossed out, I began the massage. First stop: the client's back. Everything's going OK for a few minutes.
THEN IT HAPPENED. My forearm rolled over something. It was a foreign object on his back! What could it be? On the backstroke, my arm rolled over it again. Closer inspection revealed...yes...A BOOGER! Instant need to hurl, then run screaming from the room.
How did it get there? Please email me if you know! The bigger question: What to do? I needed to flick it off, but was so disgusted I couldn't think of touching it. If I flicked it, the booger would have to clear my massage sheets and several feet around the table so I wouldn't step in it. It needed to be a very powerful flick! And how do you work a powerful flick into your massage routine?
After several minutes of vomitous debate I decided to "just do it." I positioned my thumb and forefinger and called up every 3rd grade paper football flick I could remember from Serrano Elementary School. SUCCESS! The booger took flight, briefly glistening in the morning sun, then landed on an old plaid chair about 6 feet away.
Safe now, I finished the massage but kept my eyes peeled for other foreign objects. And I never packed up my table & gear so fast as I did that day. Got the heck outa Dodge.
People laugh when they hear this story - they think it's not true. But it is! Our friends Stuart and Shane said that I shouldn't have flicked it off, because who knows? It could have been his "lucky" booger, stored there every day for personal success.
submitted by: Bonnie from California
A guy I knew went to see Elvis Costello back when he was first starting. He had spent months saving his money and finally he was in the theatre where Elvis Costello himself was to rock. The lights began to gently fall as the crowd roared wildly. Elvis Costello in all his pseudo-fifties glory enters. He walks to the center, his mighty axe in hand. He slams into the song. A string breaks. The music dies.