TalesFrom.com

I know a woman who works at a bookstore. She says that guys come in all the time and buy porn, or playboy, or magazines like that, and they do that with their girlfriend next to them. They usually put the magazines at the bottom of a stack of other magazines about computers, or business, or something else. As if no one will notice if they're at the bottom? My friend often holds up the hidden magazines and pretends to search for the bar code and/or price with lots of “it's hard to find the price on these, where is it?” The boyfriend will begin to shift uncomfortably back and forth.

Posted by storyguy at 12:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The other day I had a woman come in to the store. That isn’t strange but the first thing she said to me was “[do you have any hoodies without an empire waist] cuz they make my boobs look huge” (gestures with cupped hands).

As a male about 20 years younger than the woman I found this awkward but I slid by the comment and referred her to a selection of hoodies similar to the one she wanted.

She told me that she didn’t want fleece, but waffle knit or thermal hoodies. I told her that we didn’t have those without the tie around the middle, and showed her a different fleece hoody that was more like a t-shirt. She passionately and loudly proclaims that she is an adult and can’t wear clothes like that. The woman stormed off.

So, the next time you take your fleece out from the closet, consider your age. Are you too mature for that? Perhaps you should where something that looks like long underwear instead. That waffle-knit is much more mature. After all, the clothes don’t make the man, but they define his maturity.

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Looking for a gift can be difficult, so it’s good to remember the ol’ standbys:

• Money
• Gift card for food
• Gift card for the whole mall
• “I was thinking of you” greeting card
• Picture frames
• Candles
• Alcohol

And of course

• Band shirts with a gift receipt

I was looking for the latter when I encountered a t-shirt I couldn’t read. It was black and the design on it was a swirl of shapes filled with different patterns in greens and yellows. One of the sellers at the store walked by in a hurry so I quickly asked if she knew what band the shirt was for.

She said “yes”

I waited a second and asked if she could tell me the band name and she said “yes”.

I was confused as to why the seller wasn’t telling me what band was on the shirt so I asked again and when I got “Yes” I realized my mistake.

The negative space/positive space thing made me not recognize the one word band name. “Yes”

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Posted by storyguy at 12:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A friend of mine used to work at American Eagle.

He told me of a time when a guy walked in and said “dude dude dude dude dude dude, I need some pants.” My friend asked if there was a specific kind of pants the customer wanted. “I want pants that will making my Johnson look huge.” My friend said, “Have you tried a sock?” The compensating consumer laughed, and then said “no, seriously, dude.”

“well,” said my friend, “We have our low rise boot cut jeans that are…umm…tighter in the crotchal region.”

“thanks” said the customer, hurrying off.

My friend ran to the other end of the store to be safe. But the client came out of the fitting room and found him, “Those didn’t work.”

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